Anonymous

Love Weekly

2010-03-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

Photo courtesy of Swanee

LOVE's a passion soft and kind;

'Tis a balm to ease the mind,

'Tis a pleasure, 'tis a pain,

"Tis a loss, and 'tis a gain,

'Tis a cure, and 'tis a smart,

'Tis an arrow to the heart,

'Tis a hope, and 'tis a fear,

'Tis a source of constant care,

'Tis a trifle, 'tis a toy,

'Tis a filty, heedless boy,

'Tis a burning raging fire,

'Tis a languishing desire,

'Tis a look, and 'tis a kiss,

'Tis here, 'tis there, 'tis that, 'tis this.

Author Unknown

BEHIND THE CLOAK

2010-03-04T15:53:00.000-08:00

Hiding below the surface of reality

Have found refugee in the hands of fantasy

Illusion is what lies ahead

Stimulating my crazy head

The clock tic tacs as the time passes away

All I can think is you in my memory

In my soul you've been engraved, deep within

And keep you there, odd things between

Can't seem to touch with my grasp

I can't longer hold on with my clasp

It is strange you're not so far

It is shows that you really are

Cool exterior is my false fade

Like a pompous admiration is what I hide

Can't stop to think of you everyday

It turns out I am already in disarray

Your voice is like a gentle whisper

Your thoughts always made me wonder

Your smile if the curable answer

To all these things that makes me whimper

I am embrace with invisibility

I have this unnoticed agility

Invaded by hollowness

Torn asunder thoughts, its craziness

Sometimes I think your mirage, a illusion

Ironically you have a different devotion

Don't know when to get it all out in these walls

Confuse and sandwich still between truth and false

Author: Unknown

A MILLION TIMES

2010-03-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

I have seen you a million times
And every time I see you
I fall in love with you all over again
My heart starts to race
My frown turns into a smile
And all my worries are now in my past
When you smile at me my heart melts
You give the sweetest hugs
Every time you hug me
Your smile is like a new day
Your sense of humor is like no other
The ability you have to make me smile
Is all you need you love me
Your laugh is so soft and sweet
Just looking in your eyes
Makes me melt inside
Your lips look so soft
Soft enough to kiss
You, yourself relive me from all pain
Your hands are as soft as a pillow
The way you comfort me is amazing
Every time we say good-bye
I start to cry
I say good-bye to you too many times
I said good-bye to you a million times

Author: Unknown

An Ode to My Wife

2010-02-28T15:51:00.000-08:00

If I could just turn back the time
To when I heard you say,
That I could be your shining prince
And all the dragons slay,
I'd build a castle on the hill
So all the world could see,
The lovely princess that I chose,
To live and die with me.

If I could just turn back the time
And start my life anew,
I'd plant some roses near the paths
That I have led you through:
There'd be no thorns to pierce your heart,
No tears to dim your eyes,
I'd leave no stones to bruise your feet,
there'd be no sad goodbyes.

But Father Time will not turn back
The hours that passed away.
I can't remove the thorns and rocks
From all those past gone days;
I cannot live my life again
But dragons I would slay,
If I could be your shining prince
For only one more day.

Author: Anonymous

A Knight In Shining Armor

2010-02-26T15:48:00.000-08:00

In this world full of hurt and pain,
I need someone who would help me through the rain.
To comfort me when Im sad,
Doing everything just to make me glad.

In this world I need a Brave Knight,
Who would never give up any fight.
A knight who would dry away my tears,
Telling me to overcome my fears.

A knight who loves me for who I am inside,
With him there's nothing more I need to hide.
A person who will still be standing strong,
Eventhough everything has gone wrong.

I need someone who is willing to give me more,
Someone I can call my Knight In Shining Armor.

Author: Anonymous

Forever And Always

2010-02-24T15:54:00.000-08:00

When I look into your eyes I see nothing but the loving tenderness and care that comes from you and only you.
When I kiss your lips I feel the love surge through my body and I never want it to go away.
When I hold your hand I sense a passion inside you that is made for me and only me.
When you hold me close, I close my eyes and wish that the moment would never end.
I know that all those things you do for me have a hidden meaning and I know that they are made just for me and only me.
I know you are the only one for me and I and the only one for you.
For forever and always I will be with you.

Author: Anonymous

I Love You

2010-02-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

Love used to be at the back of my mind.
Dead and lifeless like the sun with no shine.
Then you came along and showed me love is beautiful.
You brought me to life, so strong and spiritual.

The day that I saw you, my heart melted.
It was true love, because I felt it.
You changed my life in so many ways.
Some of them I can't even explain.

When I think of you, the world just leaves.
From my mind and from my dreams.
I see someone that is caring and full of heart.
Someone daring, someone special, someone to share my heart.

I made this poem only for you.
To think of me when you're feeling blue.
I Love You!

Author: Anonymous

The Means to attain Happy Life

2010-02-20T23:59:00.000-08:00

MARTIAL, the things that do attain

The happy life be these, I find:--

The richesse left, not got with pain;

The fruitful ground, the quiet mind;

The equal friend; no grudge, no strife;

No charge of rule, nor governance;

Without disease, the healthful life;

The household of continuance;

The mean diet, no delicate fare;

True wisdom join'd with simpleness;

The night discharged of all care,

Where wine the wit may not oppress.

The faithful wife, without debate;

Such sleeps as may beguile the night:

Contented with thine own estate

Ne wish for death, ne fear his might.

Anonymous

Fragile Heart

2010-02-18T15:56:00.000-08:00

Have you ever needed someone

To take the fragile pieces of your heart

And wrap careful hands

Deep within the cushioning cotton of his own?

Someone who can pull you close,

When you're feeling so alone

Who speaks not a word,

But knows how to touch you

In that one special place

That lets you know you are still alive?

Someone who can look into your eyes

And see past the darkness

That has come to cloud your soul.

Someone who finds that one spark of caring,

Who nurtures it back to life...

The one special someone

Who can wrap around you with his body

And give your soul a hug,

Your heart ease...

Author: Anonymous

I Love You

2010-02-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

There are many thoughts and fantasies

Wandering in my head.

While I dream about you,

And when I am asleep in my bed,

I wish many things.

I wish with no fear

That right here beside me

You would be here.

I wish you could tell me

In person every day

Just how much you love me.

And never would we say

To go our separate ways.

It would just break my heart

To have to know

That we were apart.

A dream can go

Where a wish cannot.

A dream can bring true

What a wish never thought.

When I dream about you

You're holding my hand.

My feelings for you;

These I had never planned.

Gazing at the stars

On a dark, cold night,

We utter sweet words

Under the pale moonlight.

If you were here beside me,

I could look at you.

It would all come together;

That you are my dream come true.

I am smiling as I realize

That although we are apart,

It is only in body;

Never in heart.

I hate not having you here,

But I know that some day,

Fate will bring us together

And never push you away.

If I could only see your face,

If I could only feel your touch,

I'd tell you how much I love you.

Is that asking for too much?

I've been thinking about you all day.

I do that often it seems.

But I just can't help it

When you're in all of my dreams.

Meeting you was fate,

It was a choice becoming your friend.

This relationship between us

I hope will never end.

But when it comes to falling in love,

That was beyond my control.

There is no way to stop these feelings I have

Deep inside my soul.

Will you promise to always be here for me?

Always be by my side?

I couldn't explain how much I love you

No matter how long I tried.

Even though I've met you

Just a few weeks before,

I have learned so much about you

And want to learn more.

At night I close my eyes,

And in my dreams all I see is you.

My only regret is that

These dreams have not yet come true.

I want you to be near me,

but you're so far away.

I hope you feel me in your heart,

as you travel your path today.

Author: Anonymous
Photo Credit: http://www.universalscraps.com

I LOVE YOU, ALL OF YOU!

2010-02-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

I love your soft kisses.

I love your soft touch.

I love the way you bite your lip.

I love you soooooo much.

I love the way you look at me.

I love the way you smile.

I love the way you're shy sometimes,

Every once and a while.

I love it when you look at me,

When I'm not looking at you.

You think I do not realize it,

But really...I do.

I love the way you cuddle.

I love the way you sleep.

I love the way you rub your neck,

when you are thinking so deep.

I love all of you,

Your nose, your lips, your hair, your feet.

I will never stop loving you.

You are so amazingly sweet.

I love that I love you.

I have loved you from the very start.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU,

I now hand you the key to my heart.

Author: Unknown

TO HIS LOVE

2010-02-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

Come away, come, sweet love,

The golden morning breaks,

All the earth, all the air

Of love and pleasure speaks,

Teach thine arms then to embrace,

And sweet rosy lips to kiss,

And mix our souls in mutual bliss.

Eyes were made for beauty's grace,

Viewing, rueing love's long pain,

Procur'd by beauty's rude disdain.

Come away, come, sweet love,

The golden morning wastes,

While the sun from his sphere

His fiery arrows casts:

Making all the shadows fly,

Playing, staying in the grove,

To entertain the stealth of love,

Thither, sweet love, let us hie,

Flying, dying, in desire,

Wing'd with sweet hopes and heav'nly fire.

Come away, come, sweet love,

Do not in vain adorn

Beauty's grace that should rise

Like to the naked morn:

Lilies on the river's side,

And fair Cyprian flowers new blown,

Desire no beauties but their own,

Ornament is nurse of pride,

Pleasure, measure, love's delight,

Haste then, sweet love, our wished flight.

Anonymous

Happy Valentines Friends!

My Friend Judge Not Me

2010-01-29T23:28:00.000-08:00

Joos van Cleve,The Last Judgment, about 1520/25, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

My friend iudge not me,
Thou seest I iudge not thee:
Betwixt the stirrop and the ground,
Mercy I askt, mercy I found.

Anonymous

I Sought My Soul

2010-01-25T01:49:00.000-08:00

Artwort by Yuroz

I Sought My Soul

I sought my soul,
But my soul I could not see
I sought my God,
But my god eluded me.
I sought my brother,
And I found all three.

Anonymous

Hold My Hand

2010-01-21T00:04:00.000-08:00

The moon has not

even begun to go.

And the sun had yet to start

its brilliant shining flow.

I lay here thinking

about you all the time.

You're the only thing

that sticks inside my mind.

Through thick and thin

You're there by my side.

You promise to be there.

You keep me alive.

I love you so much.

You can never understand.

I'll be with you forever.

Just promise to hold my hand.

Author: Anonymous

The Good Thing

2010-01-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

The Good Thing

The good things of life, if to all we should look

Would swell our poor ballad quite up to a book;

The mere calls of nature contrasted are sma

'Tis greedy ambition that gapes at them all;

Then keep within bounds and limit the ring,

And contentment you'll find is a very good thing.

A competent income, enough to supply,

All we want, we can modestly wish to enjoy,

Is a very good thing, with sufficient in store

To relieve modest merit or give to the poor;

No matter though fortune deny her full swing,

Enough and to spare, is a very good thing.

The Parson himself, who holds self denial,

As a very good thing, when prov'd in the trial,

That by loosing the world we gain the grand prize!

Neglected by souls, thought the wish of the wise;

The money he says is of evil the spring,

Will grant a good living's a very good thing.

When plied with good liquors your Poet will sing

Ambitious of soaring aloof on the wing,

Still aiming at rising in fancy sublime,

To catch nothing less than the laurel in time,

Then carols away, like a bird in the spring,

That a butt of old sack is a very good thing.

Our Lawyers and Doctors in one point agree,

The marrow of practice lies all in the fee;

Both Clients and Patients may find out the cause,

When Physic has drench'd 'em, or drain'd by the laws;

The fee to the palm so attractive will cling,

Your sensitive touch is a very good thing.

With rev'rence an authoriz'd passage we bring,

"He that hath a good wife, has got a good thing."

And the proverb says plainly, "A wife in her shift,

Is allow'd on all hands as a heavenly gift!"

To the queen of good wives then strike ev'ry string,

Ye Bards, a good wife is a very good thing.

But of all the good things while in life we exist,

The blessing of health stand she first on the list;

All orders of men will subscribe to the test,

That 'tis health, florid health, far passes the rest,

Then granting good health such a very good thing,

Let us wish it to all from Peasant to King.

Anonymous

Weekly Museum May 25, 1799 Vol. XI No. 41

Photo courtesy of Telegraph.co.uk

Qoutes for the New year

2010-01-04T03:46:00.000-08:00

"A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within."--Unknown.

"Let us not drink to the past, but to the future." --Unknown

"Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits."--Unknown

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other."-- Unknown

"Your Merry Christmas may depend on what others do for you ... but your Happy New Year depends on what you do for others."-- Unknown

"Here's to the bright New Year, and a fond farewell to the old; here's to the things that are yet to come, and to the memories that we hold."--Unknown

Always Remember

2010-01-03T04:11:00.000-08:00

Always Remember

Always remember to forget
The things
that made you sad
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.

Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But don't forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.

Always remember to forget
The troubles that have passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.

- Author Unknown

Photo Credits

IT’S NEW YEAR

2010-01-01T02:23:00.000-08:00

Time to address
a new year
…. enter

deal with the project at hand
yet resolve not to dwell on past
never stop dreaming
even on the last exhale
and find it in your heart
to forgive
then you will be forgiven in likeness
try
smile,
even when sad
this provokes the inner smile
to surface
take each day
as it’s dealt
and be thankful for the wealth
mother nature doles
now take a deeeeeeeeep
meditative breath
you’re alive … aren’t you?

author unknown

When I Must Leave You

2009-12-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

Many poems allude to the hope that loved ones separated now by death will not always live this way. As the poem below shows, poetry offers a hope, often due to belief in life after death in Heaven with God, a hope that separation will cease when the living also dies and joins the deceased in life eternal.

When I Must Leave You

"When I must leave you for a little while

Please do not grieve and shed wild tears

And hug your sorrow to you through the years.

But start out bravely with a gallant smile;

And for my sake and in my name

Live on and do all things the same,

Feed not your loneliness on empty days,

But fill each waking hour in useful ways,

Reach out your hand in comfort and in cheer

And I in turn will comfort you And hold you near;

And never, never be afraid to die,

For I am waiting for you in the sky!"

~Author Unknown

Photo Credits

He Only Took My Hand

2009-12-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

"Last night while I was trying to sleep,

My son's voice I did hear

I opened my eyes and looked around,

But he did not appear.

He said: "Mom you've got to listen,

You've got to understand

God didn't take me from you, mom

He only took my hand.

When I called out in pain that night,

The instant that I died,

He reached down and took my hand,

And pulled me to His side.

He pulled me up and saved me

From the misery and pain.

My body was hurt so badly inside,

I could never be the same.

My search is really over now,

I've found happiness within,

All the answers to my empty dreams

And all that might have been.

I love you all and miss you so,

And I'll always be nearby.

My body's gone forever,

But my spirit will never die!

And so, you must all go on now,

Live one day at a time.

Just understand-

God did not take me from you,

He only took my hand."

~Author Unknown

Photo Credits

Beyond The Sunset

2009-12-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

While the first poem is written as though the deceased is sharing words with the living, this next poem is the living writing to his beloved deceased.

Beyond the Sunset

"Should you go first and I remain

to walk the road alone,

I'll live in memories garden dear,

with happy days we've known.

In spring I'll wait for roses red,

when faded, the lilacs blue.

In early fall when brown leaves fall,

I'll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain,

for battle to be fought.

Each thing you've touched along the way

will be a hallowed spot.

I'll hear your voice, I'll see your smile,

though blindly I may grope,

The memory of your helping hand

will buoy me on with hope.

Should you go first and I remain,

one thing I'll have you do:

Walk slowly down that long long path,

for soon I'll follow you.

I want to know each step you take,

so I may take the same.

For someday down that lonely road

you'll hear me call your name."

~Author Unknown

A Poem For Grieving

2009-12-13T16:58:00.000-08:00

This poem is a source of conflict for many because while some attribute it to Mary Frye and think it was penned in 1932, others think it originated as an Native American poem. Regardless, it is one of the most reprinted and requested bereavement pieces in the English language.

A Poem for the Grieving

"Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die..."

~Author Unknown

Photo Credits

The Value of Bereavement Poetry

2009-12-12T17:11:00.000-08:00

Poetry about grief and death often hold lines that provide the following for the reader:

* Healing
* Comfort
* Hope
* Affirmation of love
* Beauty
* Forgiveness
* Assurance that the loved one is safe and free
* Certainty that in spite of death there will be reunion again

There are also countless poems to help those who are not in grief understand how to relate to those who are agonizing over the death of a loved one. Many of these strive to explain the aspects of grieving. There are also poems that just convey the sorrow felt when a loved one passes away.

Poems are often read at funerals and memorial services, along with eulogies.

Photo Credit

I Am A Submissive Woman

2009-12-11T16:43:00.000-08:00

I am a submissive woman.
I find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive to another in a loving relationship. I am not weak, or stupid.
I am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life.
I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.
I look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never am I more complete than when he is with me.
I know that he will protect my body, my mind, and my soul with his strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as I am everything to him. His touch awakens me and his thoughts free me.
Only in serving him do I find complete freedom and joy.
His punishments are harsh, but I accept them thankfully, knowing that he has my best interests always foremost in his mind.
If he desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to him, and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship.
My body is his, and if he says I am beautiful, then I am.
No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in his eyes, and because of that I hold my head high...
for who can tell me that my Master is wrong in seeing the beauty in me?
If he says I am his princess, then I am that...regal and graceful.
And if I see laughter at me in the eyes of others, I do not recognize it, for who are they to call my Master wrong?
If he says I am his toy, his slut, his tramp, then I am that...as wanton and dirty as he wants me to be, and if others do not see this, then it is they who are blind, not my Master.
My mind is his, to expand, to explore, to know as only he can. I have no secrets from him...for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being more perfectly his.
Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself...and I do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own, but they are lessons he has decided I need, and so I learn from him.
My soul is his, as bare to his touch as ever my skin could be when I kneel naked at his feet.
Never a moment goes by when I do not feel his presence, be he miles away or standing over me.
If I were to ever displease him, his displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any lashes could be.
The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint him is harder to bear than the physical anguish I feel when his belt caresses me with fire.
I spend my days knowing that the energy and thought he puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for his, and look forward to each lovingly crafted scene that we do together.
His part is much harder than mine, and I know this and am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend his time and energy so freely on me.
I have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to him.
I am his pleasure and his responsibility, and he takes both seriously.
I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that.
My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to he who has that strength will I give myself fully, because I am strong and proud.
I am a submissive woman.

author unknown

An Internet Pornography Junkie Comes Clean

2009-12-10T16:27:00.000-08:00

I immersed myself again and again, trying to wash off the insanity that was enveloping me. Then, from out of the sky, came salvation.

In light of a recent IsraelNationalNews.com article on Internet pornography, I decided to come out of the closet - or in my case, the garage - by confessing my shameful personal nightmare, in the hope that my experience will help others escape their own cyberspace hells.

I can attest to Rabbi Eliahu Leon Levi's assertion that the problem of Internet pornography is not limited to Jewish teenagers, and that "respectable" and frum [religious] adults like me are not immune to the temptations of nocturnal surfing. Probably like me, many of the Internet's victims never dreamed that they would fall into such a terrifying web of pollution and deceit. But this is exactly what happened, suddenly, after fifteen years of a happy marriage, in a modern Orthodox, New Jersey community, where I worked as a successful accountant.

It all started when the company I worked for ran into some financial problems and I was laid off. At first, I didn't panic. We had some money in the bank, and I looked at the layoff as a chance to catch up on some work in the yard and at the synagogue, where I had been serving as treasurer for the past several years. But when two months passed and I couldn't find a new job, I started feeling nervous and depressed. My wife complained that I was coming down on her with greater frequency. When she became fed up with my gloomy moods and outbursts, she decided to take the kids to her mother's for a few days.

Meaning that I was a bachelor, alone in the house, with a computer.

I guess that was all that my evil inclination needed. I was doing a job search in my makeshift home office in our two-car garage when some foolish whim flew into my brain and got me to type a dangerous word on the keyboard. I told myself I would just have a peek to see what it was all about. Of course, I had heard about the problem of pornography on the Internet, but I had never been drawn to it before. What can I say? I was startled. Amazed. Blown away by this exciting, forbidden world at my fingertips. With a racing heart, I typed in other words, and made more brazen searches. My forehead was sweating.

When the telephone rang, I almost fell off my chair in fright, as if I had been caught in the act. It was my ten-year-old daughter, calling to wish me goodnight. Did I ever feel like a bum. But I was hooked. I kept on, eyes glued to the screen, driven by some monstrous passion. The next thing I knew, it was four in the morning. I had been transfixed in my chair for six hours. Horrified, I shut down the computer, closing the lid on the Pandora's box that I had opened, hoping to trap the devilish genie inside.

A few hours later, the alarm clock woke me in time to make Shacharit prayers at the shul. But on my way to the car, the genie got me again. Laying my tefillin aside, I switched on the computer. With a terrible guilty feeling, I sat down at the screen and typed in words and phrases that I had never dared utter with my lips. I didn't eat. I didn't pray. With a racing heart, I stared and stared at the erotic images, knowing that I was doing something terribly wrong. But I was driven - unable to stop.

When the doorbell rang, I panicked. I sat frozen at the computer, feeling like a burglar in my own garage. Without breathing, without making a sound, I waited for the intruder to go away.

Then, I remembered that the computer saves everything, so I frantically started to trash all of the endless lists of embarrassing internet history files that I had created. What would be, I thought, if my wife suddenly came home and caught me in this adulterous sin? But when the evidence was erased, I started up once again. All that day and night. I am not sure if I even ate. I know I didn't sleep.

When my wife got home, she found me crashed out in bed in my clothes. I told her I was feeling sick. I was unable to look at her, as if I had truly committed some terrible sin.

That's how it was for the next several months. I lived the life of an adulterer, hiding my horrible secret, hardly able to look my wife in the eyes, ashamed to face my kids.

But the burning shame didn't stop me. Every opportunity I had, I was back in the garage. I told my wife I was searching for a job on the Internet, tracking down all possible openings. During the day, I would go for a drive to get out of the house, telling my wife that I was going to job interviews. I felt like a chronic gambler, sneaking off to make an illicit bet; like an alcoholic with a hidden bottle. I hated myself for lying to her, but what could I do? I didn't know how to stop. As far as I knew, there wasn't an Alcoholics Anonymous for Adult-Site Surfers like me. I would run away from the house to get away from the madness, but the minute I came home, I was back in the garage. My children complained that I was hogging the computer, so I went out and bought them one of their own, to keep them away from mine.

Believing I was suffering from depression, my wife begged me to find work, any work, before I went out of my mind. She even suggested I speak with a shrink. Our intimacies ceased. I felt so low and loathsome, I couldn't bring myself to be with her when my mind was filled with so many haunting images.

There is no point in prolonging the story. On the Sabbath, I had a break from my madness, but come Motzei Shabbat, I was back in the garage.

One night, I turned around and was shocked to see my fourteen-year-old son staring at me in wonder.

"Damn!" I screamed. "Look what popped up on the screen!"

Wildly, I smashed at the keyboard, trying to wipe out the image. Finally, I yanked out the plug. "Now you know why I don't want you on the Internet," I yelled, leading him back into the house, as if he had done something wrong, not me. The boy was speechless. He started to cry.

My God, what am I doing to my family, I thought?

"You wouldn't believe the pornography that popped up on the Internet," I told my wife, to provide myself with an alibi before my son told her. "We have got to get a server with a censorship device to protect the kids."

I guess that's when I hit rock bottom. I felt so ensconced in impurity that I wanted to jump into a mikvah [ritual bath]. But the mikvah in our community is only opened on Fridays for men, and that was five days away. So, I got in my car and drove out of town to a small forest lake.

"Please, God," I begged. "Help me to get out of this mess."

It was close to midnight when I parked by a secluded edge of the lake, stripped off my clothes to total nudity, as is custom when going to the mikvah, and dove into the water. I immersed myself again and again, trying to wash off the insanity that was enveloping me. Then, from out of the sky came salvation.

When I got back to shore, my clothes weren't there. Back and forth, I ran along the beach, searching and searching, but nothing was there. The only thing the thief had left behind was my cellphone. Standing there naked, without clothes, without wallet or identity, I knew that it was from God. I knew with a soul-shaking shudder that the horror and humiliation I felt had come to cleanse me, to make me understand how far I had fallen.

I had no choice but to phone my wife. I told her I had gone for a swim. That a thief had stolen my clothes and the car. I huddled alone, like Adam, shivering, hiding naked in the bushes, until she arrived. She gazed at me like I was crazy. What could I say? We drove back home in silence. Her eyes were filled with tears. That's when I made the decision to stop.

The next day, I went to the rabbi and told him my tale. Like an alcoholic at an AA meeting, I came totally clean. I told the whole story. For the first time in months, I felt a sense of relief. He didn't give me a sermon. He didn't have to. He told me to come every morning for Shacharit prayers and invited me to learn Torah with him for a half-hour each day. By the next day, he had found me a job with a very good firm. He never said a word about the computer, as if it never happened.

It has been over a year now since I broke the habit. I go to the synagogue every morning and learn Torah for a half-hour with a friend. In the evenings, I learn Torah with my son, and three times a week with a neighbor. For now, the evil genie is back in the bottle. To be sure he stays there, I switched to a porn-free server. I can't say that the temptation has left me completely, but knowing that I have to face the rabbi in the morning keeps me out of trouble. And things, thank God, are good again at home.

So that's my story. I am sure there are many others like it. I was lucky. God answered my prayers. This Hebrew month of Elul [the month of repentance preceding the Rosh HaShanah holiday], if you are one of the anonymous victims of the Internet, may He answer all of your prayers, too.